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The player's plaything - All Woman - Jamaica Observer
All Woman

The player's plaything


IT'S not uncommon for a man to awaken a woman's love and watch her fall helplessly for him, even though he has no intention of reciprocating. These are the classic qualities of a narcissist. But despite what are often red flags highlighting the presence of such a man, many women who are blinded by their quest for love still take the plunge into the deep end, and get played for a fool.

What are some of the most glaring signs that the man you're with means you absolutely no good? Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says they're often very obvious, if you just take a pause to see.

He shares below some sure-fire ways you can tell that your guy may be playing you like a game.

He is dismissive of your role in his life

Your family and friends are tired of seeing pictures of him and hearing about your boyfriend, but he hasn't given you a title. He never officially introduced you to his family or friends, but if you guys are ever seen in public by anyone, to be polite, he introduces you as his “friend” or tells them that you are “just hanging out”.

He still flirts (even in your presence)

He might be a natural flirt, but a man who is committed to a woman will have some amount of respect for her. If he continues to flirt as if he were single in your presence or on social media, it means that he might not be as serious about you as you think.

No efforts from his end whatsoever

You realise that you are the one who is pulling all the weight, in what often seems like a one-sided relationship. So if you don't reach out you don't hear from him, he often doesn't respond to your text messages, and you have to force or beg him to do anything – other than getting busy, that is.

He only calls when he needs you

He will go days without texting or calling, but the moment he wants to spend the night by your place or to hook up at his, he calls you all concerned about your well-being and telling you just how much he loves and misses you.

He doesn't cuddle

Even if you get to spend the night, or he stays the night at your place, he doesn't cuddle with you and often prefers to skip anything romantic. Oh, and even if he obliges you, he is uneasy about it and only does it for a short time.

You mostly hang out at your place

Most of the time that you spend time together is done at your house. That way, it's always easier to give you some excuse to run off. If you were to stay at his place then he would have to worry about you overstaying your welcome, or finding a way to tell you to leave without things getting awkward.

He shows no interest in your family or friends

Not only does he keep you away from his family and friends, but every time that you mention your family — especially the idea of meeting them — he gives you an excuse or agrees, then tells you that something came up last minute.

He keeps a tight lid on his life

You have been “together” for a while, but you can count on both hands how much you know about him. He allows you to share as much as you want to about yourself (even though he doesn't always seem to be paying attention) but shares little about himself, so you feel like you are always in the dark about him.

He always has to go

For some reason, he always sees you in between things. Before a big meeting he has been waiting months to have, right after a big event, and just before going to see his sick relative in the hospital. It would appear that the 24 hours in his day are accounted for, but he “makes time” to see you. Unfortunately, he can never seem to set aside any substantial amount of time for you to get to know each other or for your relationship to grow.

He doesn't include you in his plans for the future

You hear him talk about his intentions for the future, all the things that he has planned and his path to getting there, but he never mentions you. Not once. Also, he doesn't seem interested in your plans for the future and shows no concern about whether or not they align.



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